Made with real bits of black shit!

I’m actually amazed that they called this meal “fettucine alfredo.” Typically the names are painfully honest, like “egg noodles in white sauce.” Without a discriminating eye, you might think this was part of Banquet’s more expensive line of microwave meals that are somewhat decent. But no, it’s part of the low-budget line. The noodles are eerily similar to the shoestrings on my skateshoes and the sauce tastes like watered down Elmer’s glue. I still have no idea what the black shit is on the noodles though.

Mudbutt Scale: 7/10 Pasta is generally safe, but in this case the “alfredo” sauce stirs the depths of your innards.